If you are feeling overwhelmed by the constant dealing with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, it is time to look at some things to relieve the stress in your life.  Here are some ideas to help you proactively deal with the stress of AHDH symptoms in your child.

Luxuriating in a bath: This time-honored stress reliever can take you out of your day-to-day routine of dealing with a child with ADHD and help relax your muscles—and your mind. Pick a time when you can spend an hour or so; light a scented candle; and pop your favorite music CD into the player. If you have a comfortable bath pillow to recline on, even better.  Next time you are shopping, pick up some bath oil or bath salts in anticipation of your short “vacation.” Scents can help you relax, too.

A brisk walk: Moving your muscles—especially in the open air—can help alleviate stress. If you have an MP3 or CD player, load it up with some favorite popular music—Motown or David Bowie or Sarah Vaughan—whatever makes YOU feel good. Twenty minutes of exercise can make a world of difference and refresh you to face the next issue with your child with ADHD.

A planned weekend or a night away from home: It’s great if you and your spouse can plan a weekend away, but if that doesn’t work, even an overnight break can be restorative.  While a spa environment is wonderful, it’s not what you do as much as that you are away from the stress triggers in the house.

A shopping spree: For some people, shopping for a little something special or a gift for a favorite friend can help redirect your focus. This helps lift your mood and dissipates stress.

Break your routine: Do something entirely different—try a new menu; take the dog with you on your walk; call a friend you haven’t seen in a long time; play a computer game. Again, it’s not so much what you do as that you do something to shake things up a little and help distract you from thinking about attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.

Get a massage: Now, who doesn’t like a relaxing massage? A deep muscle massage can promote relaxation and help tension disappear. An occasional massage can be like a mini-vacation, and if you can afford to have a massage regularly, you may find your neck and back aches becoming less of a problem.

Get organized: Spend some time cleaning out your purse or a drawer where things tend to collect. Get a calendar or personal organizer—and use it! You will be surprised at how good you will feel when you’ve accomplished a small organizational task or a larger one, such as starting to use a system for keeping track of appointments.

While it is easy to claim you don’t have time to relax, if schedule these relaxing moments regularly, you and your child with ADHD will benefit.

Mom’s Take

It just snuck up on me. Since my daughter’s ADHD diagnosis, I have been so involved in talking to doctors, getting her medication right, setting up charts at home, communicating with the school—that I didn’t even connect the headaches I was having and my short temper with what was going on with my daughter. Once I realized that much of what I was dealing with was stress, I had to admit that a little time out for Mom was in order. It wasn’t easy, even to find half an hour, but once I saw how much I got out of it, I put it on the weekly schedule. I make sure that at least once a week –twice is even better—I take a walk, see a friend, soak in the bath, or get away. This helps me have more patience with my daughter and with the others in the family.

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1. At the top of the list is getting the proper amount of sleep. Sleep deprivation can be a common side effect of having a child with ADHD. You must work at setting up your life and training yourself to go to sleep—and stay asleep—for at least seven or eight hours a night.

2. Build in stress reducers into your schedule. These may include a regular walk, an evening out with your spouse, time alone just to think. A stress reducer is whatever helps you relax and enjoy something for yourself.

3. Try to be open-minded and admit when you are wrong. This is an important element of good mental health. This can be particularly challenging when parenting a child with ADHD, but cultivating this attitude will contribute to your own mental health.

4. Eat properly and try to keep your weight at the appropriate level.

5. Take time to exercise—even a short daily walk will help you stay in shape.

6. Get organized. Use an organizational tool, such as a calendar organizer, to help you stay on top of your appointments. Again, this is a way of reducing stress—one that will ensure that everyone in the family of a child with ADHD will reap benefits.

7. Drink enough water. Staying well hydrated is important to good health.

8. Get regular checkups. With all of the appointments you may have with your child with ADHD, you may not feel like seeing another doctor, but regular checkups, including PAP smears and mammograms, are vital to caring for yourself.

9. Limit or eliminate alcohol and tobacco use. These are substances that may make you feel better in the short term, but in the long run they are bad for your health and even for your mood.

10. Try to be optimistic. Studies have shown that people who have a positive attitude towards life tend to live longer. Being discouraged wears you down and can influence your health. As Winston Churchill said, “Success is measured by your ability to maintain enthusiasm between failures.”

Mom’s Take

I was so tired of calling and making appointments for my daughter that I didn’t think I could pick up the phone and schedule my own yearly checkup. I had let it slide six months past when it should have taken place. When my friend Gina pointed out that it was not going to do anyone any good if I get sick, I forced myself to call. While everything was fine, it felt good knowing that I was doing the responsible thing—for myself for a change!

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FOUR MAJOR ADHD SYMPTOMS

First, let’s take a look at how four major ADHD symptoms may impact your teen.

Distractibility and Poor Concentration: It goes without saying that if your teen can’t stay focused on what you are saying that there is likely to be a miscommunication between you. Further, distractibility and lack of concentration at school impacts his or her school performance.

Irritability: All teens are irritable sometimes, and most may have little patience for what their parents have to say. For a teen with ADHD, the physical sensation of irritability may compound the impatience and make arguments more frequent and more severe.

Impulsivity: In a young child with ADHD, impulsivity often presents as the inability to wait his or her turn to speak in class, for instance. In a teen with ADHD, the consequences may be much harsher, as it is often the impulsive child who begins to use drugs and other substances. Also, sexual activity can be more common.

Insomnia: Teens with ADHD often have difficulty falling or staying asleep. Unfortunately, insufficient sleep can exacerbate problems with focus and concentration. In fact, sleep deprivation intensifies nearly all ADHD symptoms, and, of course, interferes with parent/child communication.

LET’S TALK

So, faced with living with a teen who has these issues, what’s a parent to do? How can you speak to your teen reasonably and live in relative harmony?

Plan Ahead: The key to communication with a teenager who has ADHD is the same key you use with other behaviors in a person diagnosed with ADHD. The crux of this key is planning ahead. Since you already know that it will be difficult for your child to sit down and listen, speak to him or her before you try to have a discussion to outline how you both will handle the conversation. For instance, you can set up a code word or gesture that lets him or her know that things are getting out of hand. Perhaps the teen is arguing with you, rather than listening. If you tell the teen to stop arguing, things are likely to escalate. However, if you have an agreed upon signal, it may defuse the situation, so that the conversation can continue.

Pay Attention: Obviously, you, as the parent, want to remain as calm as possible. You also want to listen and give your child full attention when you are speaking to him or her. If you are trying to have a discussion while answering emails or if you allow a phone call to interrupt the conversation, you are not giving your child full attention and respect.

Reflect: Resist the temptation to minimize or fix a problem. Instead, reflect his or her feelings and wait. Just wait. Contrast the first conversation with the second.

Teen: “The piano teacher hates me.”

Parent: “I’m sure that isn’t true. He cares very much about you.”

Teen: “No, he doesn’t. He hates me and I hate him. I’m never going back there.”

Teen: “The piano teacher hates me.”

Parent: “Wow! You feel strongly about Mr. Peterson.”

Teen: “He embarrassed me in front of some kids waiting for their lesson—kids I know from school. He started telling me I had to practice more and they heard every word.”

You can see that you will get more information by listening than you will by talking.

Ask Open Questions: Another technique for communication is to avoid posing yes or no questions to your teen. If you do, yes or no is probably all you will get. Instead of this:

Parent: “Is there anything you can do to change this situation?”

Teen: “No.”

Try to use an open-ended question:

Parent: “What can you do about Mr. Peterson’s actions?”

Teen: “I guess I can tell him I don’t like it when he speaks about my performance in front of other kids.”

Mom’s Take

I have such good intentions when I sit down to speak to my daughter, but it almost always winds up with her screaming at me. I care so much about her, and it is so frustrating that she won’t listen. Yesterday, I tried really focusing and listening to what she was saying. I coached myself ahead of time to stay calm and not react. I’m not saying things were perfect, but we actually had a civil conversation. This is progress.

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